Asspresso

In reality there may be only one person on Earth more vain than Kim Kardashian, conveniently...She's married to them. But lo and behold, Kimmy is taking things one step further and has signed a 352-page hardback book deal with Rizzoli New York. 

*Cue gasps of utter amazement, Kim Kardashian can actually write* 

Hold that thought, no she can't, it's a 352-page book of selfies, entitled 'Selfish'. 

Yes, you read correctly. 

Ok, I am by no means encouraging this...I repeat: I am not encouraging such atrocious, and downright reckless, behaviour but, despite not being due to hit the shelves until the 7th of April 2015, the book is already available to pre-order on Amazon for $19.95. 

Is anyone really that eager for Kim Kardashian selfies that they'd pre-order almost a year in advance?

If so, you have no life. Please go and find out where you misplaced it.

I'm British, I work in pounds not dollars but that's roughly like £12. 

Please someone enlighten me as to who is stupid enough to spend £12 on pictures that can be seen for free on Google or Instagram?

Please, I could buy a pair of jeans for £12.

Whoever is planning on buying this drivel, you clearly have too much money to waste so, when you're finished with your stupidity, you can transfer some to me, please and thanks. 

If anyone actually buys this book, I'm sorry but, you're a mug who clearly doesn't have Instagram...Or a life. 

What would you really do with a book of selfies? Kim Kardashian selfies? 352 pages of them? 

It's not reading material and it certainly isn't coffee table material, unless your guests are accustomed to a slice of ass with their coffee, call it 'Asspresso'. 

Did that or did that not sound like a Kanye lyric? 

Bound 3: coming to an adult shop near you.

But anyway, so basically...That leaves one thing: porn material? 

Either that, or that's one expensive fucking door mat. Not very practical either.

However, I do have to give credit where credit is due and salute Kim K for her ability to turn absolutely nothing into millions. 

It's so fucking ridiculous that it might actually genius. 

If Kim K can have a book of selfies, and Kendall and Kylie can pay someone to write one and pass it off as their own (you're fooling no one girls, go back to school), then I'm slacking more than I initially anticipated. I better get cracking with all of my fabulous book ideas...And I suggest that you all do the same. 

Either way, humanity has clearly lost the plot so, I'm kinda' hoping the world ends before then, but whatever.