God Will Strike You Down

According to The National Enquirer, Kanye West wants to build Kim Kardashian a cathedral as extravagant and dramatic - in size and in detail - as Barcelona's La Sagrada Familia. 

Whilst Kim and Kanye apparently want their place of worship to be somewhere fit for baptisms, weddings and funerals...Of course, it'll also be a homage to themselves, with stained glass windows featuring themselves and baby North (now would be an appropriate time to shoot me). 

Having set $5million aside, and hoping to raise more from fan donations, Kanye - in his usual optimism - believes that the project will become a major landmark, like the Hollywood sign or the Empire State Building.

I'm sorry, I've been trying to laugh off this ludicrous for days and compose myself, so basically I just want to apologise for not blogging whilst I tried to come to terms with the airhead that is Kanye West. Let's all just take a moment of silence and think about that. 

Like really, where should I start?

Although I am actually a Catholic, I'm not religious at all so I can't even claim that label without God rolling his eyes from whatever fluffy-ass cloud he's perched on. 

But, despite that, I am actually offended on behalf of all Gods (and Goddesses) of every religion. 

I know Jesus is probably about to get sent to his cloud right now for kicking up a fuss about having been nailed to a cross for these morons.
Trust me, Jesus, if you're reading this...I just want you to know, that the entire population of the world - bar these two, but probably including baby North...We feel your pain.
Deeply. 

Firstly...Is this shit even allowed? 

Next thing we know, all of the dictators of the world will be throwing up "cathedrals" and claiming divine right. 

Like seriously though, hymns bore the fuck out of me (except He's Got the Whole World in His Hands - that was my childhood jam), but do I really want to be rapping about quenching my thirst after a quick fuck on the sink before I say my prayers? Sorry Kanye, I think not. 

Although, if they want to be serving up some Cristal and caviar up in the place instead of the dry bread and wine that I usually claim Atheism to avoid, I won't say no. 

Although, knowing these two airheads, they'll be serving up Kanye's sweat and Kim's placenta. 

I think I'll pass...

Really though, who would want to get married and see Kim staring at them in a variety of ass-enhancing, stained-glass selfies as they walk down the isle?
Not me. 

You do have to admire the man's optimism though. Hollywood sign, Empire State Building, really? Trust me, if I had even one tenth of this man's persistence and self-assurance, I'd be a billionaire by now.

But, fuck that.
If any of you donate to this cause:

1. You're a mug. 

As if these cheeky motherfuckers haven't got enough damn money without scrounging off their fans and subjecting them all to the fiery pits of Hell for such blasphemous activities.

2. God will strike you down.

And Hades will devour you afterwards.